You can't say that

Black lives matter.  Yes, they do.  Do brown lives matter?  Yellow lives?  Cerulean blue?  Lime green?  #quitwiththerainbowshithonky  So, with the ultimate goal being inclusivity, to be the most inclusive, wouldn't it be best and most precise to say that "All lives matter?"  #fuckyoucracker  What about All Colored Lives Matter Except White and Obviously Orange? #ACLMEWAOO  #gonnapopacapinyourracistass

"Personal responsibility is a virtue" seems like an uncontroversial statement.  #eatshithonky  Some argue that personal responsibility is a characteristic of whiteness.  #soundsprejudicial  I am led to assume that those anti-racists believe that minorities are naturally incapable of responsibility for that to be a characteristic of whiteness even though that sounds kind of totally fucking absolutely racist.  It's because analysis and reasoning are probably whiteness characteristics as well, and currently "white ain't alright.".  #isusingyourbrainawhitenesscharacteristic

After extensive research I have been informed of another characteristic of whiteness.  I now know that only white people can be racist.  #fuckinhonkyasscrackers  Minorities can only be racially prejudiced which refers to a set of discriminatory attitudes based on assumptions derived from perceptions about race and/or skin color.  Apparently, to be racist you have to be in a position of power.  "When backed with power, prejudice results in acts of discrimination and oppression against groups or individuals."  #fightthepower  "Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me, you see straight out racist - that sucker was simple and plain.  Motherfuck him and John Wayne!"  #whatsupchuck

This white supremacist power structure in America, otherwise known as "The Man," is keeping the BIPOC community down.  #whycantitbethewoman  #fuckthepatriarchy  These fucking American white people sound absolutely fucking terrible.  #howdoesamericaevenexist  If America was a preschool, it would be run by pedophiles and every person on the planet would be dying to send their kids there.  #analogybitch  That doesn't sound right.  Why are minorities from around our totally "oblate spheroid" shaped planet literally dying to get to this white supremacist hellscape?  Is it for the oppression?  Is it for Disneyland?  #happiestplaceonearth  #gonnaknockyourteethoutcracker

Is it possible that success or lack thereof of an individual could be explained by factors other than oppression from some group of assholes in power?  If a white guy sits on his couch all day smoking weed and playing video games, will he be successful and wealthy?  #gofuckyourmama  Work ethic, integrity, life choices, and ability seem to be indicators of success.  Let me guess, those are also traits of whiteness?  #onceifinishmynewportgonnawhoopyourasshonky

The American Enterprise Institute has identified a path they call the "Success Sequence."  #bunchofuppitycrackerassracists  This sequence involves three steps: (1) get at least a high-school diploma, (2) work full-time, and (3) get married before having children.  Based on the institute's studies, "young men and women who follow all three steps are flourishing financially by the time they hit their thirties." #soundslikeabunchofhonkynerds

Victims and victim ideology advocates will argue that systemic racism is the driving force for the lack of success for Blacks, Hispanics, and anyone who isn't white.  #damnstraightasshole  They point to biased criminal justice systems, a failing public school system, barriers to job creation, and of course gender bias as components of the systemic racism keeping minorities down.  #muthafuckincrackerassracists

However, the institute "brought the receipts" (data) and have shown that the "Success Sequence" works for everyone regardless of race.  #crackersaywhat  They tracked a cohort of young adults from their teenage years to adulthood and found that only 4 percent of Blacks, 3 percent of Hispanics, and 3 percent of whites were poor by their mid 30s.  #probablyabunchofuncletomurkelnerds  The "Success Sequence" worked 96 to 97 percent of the time.  #fucklearningcracker  #gotstogetmyfuckon  #gotfired  #howthefuckyougetfiredonyourdayoff  #fuckbirfcontrol

So, after learning all the "ins and outs and what-have-yous" and factoring in the various characteristics involved in achieving success, it is crystal clear how to "end racism" like the NFL wants.  #letshearitbitch  Given that all white people are racist and that racism requires power, to end racism we must remove all white people from positions of power.  #amenyoupastybitch  #bouttimeyousaidsomethingreal

Mark Davis, step into my office.  You're fucking fired!  Jerry Jones, go fuck yourself!  You're fired.  Rob Walton, pound sand!  You're fired.  Robert Kraft, clear out your desk.  You're fired!  All NFL teams will now be owned by Colin Kaepernick.  #hestillwontbegoodenoughtoplayquarterbackthough  #nomorewhitenationalanthem

But, we can't just deal with the racism in the NFL.  The systemic racist cancer that is baked into every American institution of power must be eradicated.  #bringonhonkygeddon  All elected government positions should only be available for non-white people preferably newcomers (the criminals formerly know as illegal aliens).  #fuckoffxenophobetheyarenewcomers  #nooneisillegal  #hatedontlivehere  Not only that, at least 50 percent of the positions must go to nonwhite women preferably transwomen.  #wouldntthatscrewoverrealwomen  #transwomenarewomenasshole  White ass "total woman" Rachel Levine, go fuck yourself!  #itsadmiraldoctoryoufuckingtransphobe

The great news is that we will finally be rid of that octogenarian super racist malignant tumor, Joe Biden.  #gonnaputyallbackinchains  Might I suggest Maxine Waters as our new president because of her extreme compassion and empathy.  #beautifulblackqueen  #sopresidential  #careerpoliticianwithnoskills

For vice president, I think a great choice would be some high-ranking member of the Sinaloa Cartel.  #helookslikearealgogetter  #totallyqualifiedtobeborderczar  #thebarissetsolowpeterdinklagecouldstepoverit

For secretary of the treasury, we would need to have a runoff election between 50 Cent and Mike Tyson.  #hewouldbethuchagoodthecretary  #hisstyleisimpetuous  #hisdefenseisimpregnable  #hesjustferocious  #praisebetoallah  #couldntbeanyworsethanwhatwehavenow  #muppetsarentgoodwithmoney  #indaclub  #imintohavinsex  #iaintintomakinlove

For Secretary of State the choice is clear, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez.  #obviously  #diplomatmvp  Her well thought out and pragmatic approaches to problems will be a great asset to America on the World stage.  #americaisingoodhands  #shesabrightshiningstar  #talentseesnocolor

We'll recruit a bunch of BIPOC transwomen from Rupaul's Drag Race or some shit to fill the white Doctor Admiral's Secretary of Health position and surgeon general position because the great doctor, Dr. Jill Biden, is white and therefore disqualified.  I'm sure we can find some emotionally disturbed Puerto Rican dude who thinks he's a woman doctor to fill the vacancy.  We can hire Whoopi Goldberg as the recruiter since she knows a lot about good doctors.  #whoops  #maybewhoopicanbesurgeongeneral

Once this overhaul of government is achieved white people will no longer be able to be racist.  #yayracismhasbeenended  We will only have the capacity to be racially prejudiced.  #yaywhitecanbealrightagain  It will actually be very beneficial to their public persona.  At that point though you must realize that with every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  #whatupnewton  All those "newcomers" and BIPOC in power instantly become super racist. #dammitithoughtweendedit #fuckthemrightbecauseweareantiracist  #painttheendzonesagain  Heavy is the head that wears the crown.  #fuckthatshithonky  #thenumberonethreattothehomelandisandalwayswillbewhitesupremacy  #crackerassracistswontchangetheirminds  #fuckwhitey

So, keep your heads up white people.  Without power you will instantly transform into oppressed victims.  #letsseehowyoulikeitcrackers   You can test out your "results-based" theories about how well your characteristics of whiteness (self-reliance, family structure, logic, objective rational thinking, hard work, being polite, etc.) will work as an oppressed minority.  #theshoewillbeontheotherfoot  But becoming a victim isn't all bad.  With your loss of power, you will also shed your racism.  You might even cease to be deplorable.  #likeabutterflycomingoutofacocoon  "When God closes a door, he opens a window."  #nobodyknowsthetroubleiveseen  #nobodyknowsmysorrow  #wereinatightspot  #manofconstantsorrow  #whatwillwepaintinthebackoftheendzonenow